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Sad Eyes by Slersk
Sad Eyes
November 3rd, 2015 my father had a car accident, fracturing two vertebrae, one in his neck and one in his lower back.

The following Monday he had emergency surgery to attempt to repair some of the damage and prevent further damage.

The move team who put my father on the table unknowingly broke my father's neck when they dropped him on the operating table.

The surgeon who was leading the team operating on my father did not realize that my father's neck was broken until AFTER the surgery was over.

My father was left mostly paralyzed, and struggling for life.

For more than two months my father lie in the hospital, every waking moment torture and barely able to sleep because he had to fight for air every second of every day.

January 28th, 2016 the hospital kicked my father out because he had run out of funds. They agreed to let us take him to my brother's home, where we all gathered around, many of us still in shock and denial, to watch my father die.

In February my alcoholic ex-husband and I broke up because I had finally given up on trying to support him. In a drunken rage he threw me out, leaving me living with co-workers until I could find someplace I could afford to live.

I have moved to the Dallas area to be close to my family and friends and am having to completely start over.


I am making this post to let you guys know that I am still here and I am doing ok. My life is still a bit unorganized, and I am still mourning, but things are going to be ok.

I took this picture of Danny right before my ex-husband and I broke up and never got to upload it here. She looks like she is remember things that happened a long time ago and it is leaving a bittersweet taste in her mouth. I felt like it was an appropriate picture to embody how I often feel these days.
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Sorry I haven't updated much, a lot has happened in the last two months and I've had to move on short notice. Once I've had time to organize my life I'll be back on here more often.
I have decided that I am going to sell as much of my doll collection as people are willing to buy. My father died Jan. 28th, and I am worried that my mother will need someone to care for her soon so I want to be able to have the funds available to move closer to her if I need to. If you are interested in one of my dolls or any of their accessories just ask.

I currently live almost an 8 hour drive away from my family, and that is just too far away if anything were to happen. The cost of living here is also too high, so I do not think I would stay in Corpus Christi much past graduation anyway. If I can manage working and finishing school I will try to get school done as quickly as possible, if not then I will be moving at the end of the year. We'll see how the wind blows.
Lately I've been so depressed that I can't even think about most of my creative endeavors. How do you work to keep your own creativity alive when so many things in your life aren't going well?

I have been working on finding outlets for all the anxiety, sadness, and frustration I've been having over the last few months, but none of them have been that creative. Anything I've been working on just feels like a temporary distraction, a band aid, for the things that I cannot change and that will take a very long time to heal.



Similarly, I am considering abandoning my BJD hobby in favor of other projects, but I cannot make that decision while I am so unhappy. I may come to regret getting rid of everything later when I am feeling better. *sigh*
I haven't been on Deviant art much lately because there has simply been too much going on for me to keep up, but I wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead and a little of what has been going on.

At the end of July my father had a stroke, making him very dizzy and sick to his stomach all the time. He was given medications to help with this and sent home. November 3rd, my father took his van and ended up wrecking himself into a ditch, fracturing both a vertebrae in his neck and in his lower back. He was rushed to the hospital with limited to no use of his legs. After a few days of bed rest they made him a custom neck brace and back brace and he had regained most of his strength and use of his legs, but wasn't allowed to get up and walk around in case he made the fractures worse. After two surgeons had taken a look at him they said that they didn't want to operate because he has Ankylosing Spondilitis, which has made his spine fuse together over time leaving him in a hunched state. But then, by the time the first surgeon left the office the night of November 6th, he had decided to go ahead and operate the following Monday morning, even though they didn't have good xrays of the injuries or copies of my father's records yet.
I currently live in Corpus Christi and my father is in Baylor Hospital in Dallas. After hearing they were going to operate, I managed to get some time off of work and drove up to see my father before the surgery. I was there the morning of the surgery; my father is a strong man. Before the accident he was running around the house, getting things done. He built their house himself with the help of his brothers, my cousins, and my eldest brother many, many years ago and had been working on repairs as much as he could after storms had damaged the roof. This is a man who drove himself to the hospital while having multiple heart attacks. Before the surgery my father looked as though, despite the fractures, that he could get up and run about the room. His arms and legs were strong and he was in an optimistic mood. He was even cracking jokes and asking for pictures of his surgery to put in his wallet to show his friends.

I am never going to forget the look of terror on my father's face when he woke up from surgery nearly completely paralyzed. Apparently, as the surgeon put it, when the move team flipped dad onto the operating table they broke his neck and the surgeon didn't realize the mistake because he had no idea what the shape of dad's spine was meant to look like. When dad woke up the only thing he could move was his right arm. He could still breathe on his own, but swallowing was difficult. To correct their mistake the surgeon quickly rushed dad back into surgery, hoping to "salvage" the operation.

This has been one of the most difficult months of our lives. Currently, my father has began to move his feet again, but he has no finer motor movements yet. His hands are very swollen, and they had to put in a tracheotomy to prevent him from getting pneumonia because of how difficult it is for dad to swallow. He's also recovering from an infection that they still don't know the cause of.

Today I am driving back up to Dallas to see him and my family. This is probably going to be one of the saddest and most stressful Thanksgivings we'll ever have.
I have decided that I am going to sell as much of my doll collection as people are willing to buy. My father died Jan. 28th, and I am worried that my mother will need someone to care for her soon so I want to be able to have the funds available to move closer to her if I need to. If you are interested in one of my dolls or any of their accessories just ask.

I currently live almost an 8 hour drive away from my family, and that is just too far away if anything were to happen. The cost of living here is also too high, so I do not think I would stay in Corpus Christi much past graduation anyway. If I can manage working and finishing school I will try to get school done as quickly as possible, if not then I will be moving at the end of the year. We'll see how the wind blows.

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:iconfuyunobara:
Fuyunobara Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the :+fav:!
(✿◠‿◠) (◕‿◕✿)
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:iconanikori:
AnikoRi Featured By Owner May 29, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the favorite! To me it is very important and expensive)) Come to visit me again, will be a lot of interesting things)) I will be very glad to see you!
Llama Emoji-23 (Shyness) [V1] 
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:iconatelier-cynamon:
Atelier-Cynamon Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
    :iconprincessbow1plz::iconprincessbow2plz::iconprincessbow3plz::iconprincessbow4plz::iconprincessbow5plz::iconprincessbow6plz::iconprincessbow7plz:

Heart - Free  Panda Emoji-31 (Hello) [V2] :iconbigfav1plz::iconbigfav2plz::iconbigfav3plz::iconbigfav4plz:Panda Emoji-32 (Happy Blush) [V2] Heart - Free 


      :iconprincessbow1plz::iconprincessbow2plz::iconprincessbow3plz::iconprincessbow4plz::iconprincessbow5plz::iconprincessbow6plz::iconprincessbow7plz:
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:iconynik-name:
Ynik-name Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2016  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much for the  +fav my Flying Beetle
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:icondepcow:
depcow Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2016  Student Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the favs, I really appreciate it! :icondragonspin1::icondragonspin2:
I read the journal about your unfortunate circumstances, and I really sympathize with you.  keep up your amazing work and I wish you the best of luck!  Natsuki Shinomiya (Super hug) [V1] 
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:iconwhirlingblue:
WhirlingBlue Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2016
Thank you sooooo much for the fave :)
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:iconatelier-cynamon:
Atelier-Cynamon Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz:
:iconmonkeyloveplz: :iconrubcheeksplz: Thank you so much for the +fav!:iconmonkeyloveplz: :iconrubcheeksplz:
:iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz::iconcutevioletplz::iconcuteblackplz:
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:iconslersk:
Slersk Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2015
Yer welcome!!
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:iconatelier-cynamon:
Atelier-Cynamon Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

:iconkawaiipandaplz:  :iconpink-tplz: :iconpink-hplz: :iconpink-aplz: :iconpink-nplz: :iconpink-kplz:
:iconpink-yplz: :iconpink-oplz: :iconpink-uplz:
:iconpink-fplz: :iconpink-oplz: :iconpink-rplz:
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:iconpurple-wplz: :iconpurple-aplz: :iconpurple-tplz: :iconpurple-cplz: :iconpurple-hplz: !!!!
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:iconslersk:
Slersk Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2015
Yer welcome!!!
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